The courage to face into shame and unworthiness

The courage to face into shame and unworthiness
This client, Susie (not her real name ) was consistently living out a seemingly destructive cycle in relationship with her male partner.
Susie was constantly anxious and scared of confrontation and consistently trying to fix things, make things better and please him. She would get angry at herself for constantly crumbling and complying to his needs.
It seemed he was unpleasable- yet she couldn’t stop this endless behaviour !
This cycle had gone on for years!!
There was a core pain and Susie needed to know why this current cycle was still occurring.
The session began with outlining the understanding that at a soul level , it had been set up that the exact environment in which Susie grew up in as a child, had now been replicated with another person instead of her dad!!! How the partner and his family were acting basically the same as the father and sibling dynamics as a child. Susie began to see that her disempowered younger self was still active sub consciously in this adult relationship, and in being there daily, it was inevitable that things would look almost identical 30 years later! I commented “So, anything that is unresolved in our past is going to be resurfaced for us to look at and work through. So the idea is not to be a victim and see the situation as some kind of punishment per say, but for growth, deeper understandings and transcendence of old patterns.”
It is really beneficial for the client to understand the importance of sticking with uncomfortable situations to help move through pain and transcend destructive old patterns of behaviours.
Susie felt excited to face long unresolved inner pains in a different way , through the power of her inner witness. Then Susie cried, like REALLY cried. She expressed that she felt it was the beginning of accessing a very suppressed part that has been unreleased. “It feels like living AS shame and worthlessness”, she said. Up until that point she hadn’t been strong enough to hold and discharge all the pain her younger self had absorbed from her upbringing.
This part of Susie had absorbed much conditioning around ideas of NOT being worthy of love, help, friendship or a loving family.
The conditioning back then was to not matter to anyone. Basically conditioned to be invisible and comply to anyone’s else’s needs and beliefs. Susie then was unconsciously living from those patterns by attracting in partners who would treat her like that. “I can feel that part moving closer into my conscious awareness and it is big and heavy and sad and lonely” said Susie. These patterns arise in our daily life, often with so much charge that The person cannot stop it becoming them. In therapy Susie allowed it to come consciously into her awareness and began to release what it has been holding in her for all this time.
There were big amounts of pain in the shame realm. It had things to say like- “I’m a nothing”, “I hate myself”, “I’m a sniveling nuisance”, “I deserve to be put last”, etc.
At the end of the session Susie said “There is more in there, I can feel it. This session was just releasing the tip of a very large iceberg. But already I feel changed from just that first release of an authentic ‘feeling’ of my shame and being able to own and feel that (and HOLD it!) was mind blowing.”
Susie had had lots of sobbing releases like that before when by herself, but none as significant as this one.

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